"Are YOU Linkin' to ME?.."

ÜberKritik Missing In Action

Web traffic agents are investigating today the strange circumstances under which ÜberKritik, a lesser known blogger of Romanian origin, was reported missing from his virtual domicile on 25448411684 Blogger Avenue.

He was last seen at Teo's, arguing that the host had proven bad taste when making fun of the late music critic Iosif Sava and when he had displayed a prominent link to someone we refer to here as "Unimportant" (because he's already ahead of Liiceanu in Google, plus he has admitted to suffer from a severe case of self-googling compulsion.)

However, a few weeks have elapsed since. Occasional blog visitors think that it is highly unlikely that a voice so reactive to the dark forces of stupidity as Übi-Wan Kanübi's would not have found anything or anybody to argue against during this time. There is a remote possibility that the latter may have stopped inflicting pain upon himself by following the addictive Romanian media, but investigators say they do not count on such miracles.

Hence, suspicions loom upon the two last targets of Übi's virtual wrath: Teo and Unimportant. Investigators were tipped to suspect Unimportant by the fact that the latter, in a show of total in-your-face insouciance and showing a hefty dose of tongue-in-cheek self-branding know-how, has recently displayed a link in his blogroll to the missing critic's lair. Thus, hordes of readers were attracted to this otherwise quaint, quiet blog (just kidding, you were two or three curious minds, Unimportant's blog isn't such a circulated place as you might think, look it up in trafic.ro.)

This might have been Unimportant's own way of pointing out that ÜberKritik had miscalculated his moves and had unwittingly attracted more attention to Unimportant's name by discussing it so thoroughly. Finally, his linking here may have been a playful attempt to resuscitate ÜberKritik while getting on his nerves. The man has been known to be inconsistent in his messages and send a bunch of contradictory signals at once, like in the recent "Liicheanu" piece.

Following the RoBlogFest Rabbit

This just in! Detectives unearthed a most intriguing piece of evidence, indicating that ÜberKritik had submitted Teo's blog in the Cultural Category at RoBlogFest.

"Why do that, and then criticize his nominee?" is the question tormenting everyone.

Experts speculate that a subsequent feeling of überremorse may have prompted ÜberKritik's withdrawal, and may have even pushed him to commit virtual übersuicide, since ÜberKritik realized that, no matter what one did online, one was branding, and no matter how good an intuition one thought one had, when it came to Romanian fucking (self-made) brands, this just couldn't apply normally.

One day Teo was a nice guy who educated the Romanian masses on the stand up comedy genre, a nice talented fella who liked Louis CK , the next he turned into an idiot trying to emulate the great comedian while totally lacking both good taste and common sense. Yes, common sense IS very important for a stand-up comedian, because taboos are meant to be broken in the process of comedy, but not all of them, not anyhow, and boy, was the direction taken in the CS piece wrong and hurtful for the poor kid! How can anyone erase that?

"Übi's Back, Tell a Friend!"

Nope, it cannot be taken back, you moron! Yeah, I mean you, Teo! It is now all over the media, it belongs to the real life history of a little girl who really had no harm on her mind. And no, it bears no comparison to Louis CK's adoringly making (shameless) fun of his own daughter.

And now, if we think about it, wasn't Louis CK a bit turning his five year old girl's cute shenanigans into gold himself? Eh? Just like you argue CS' dad shouldn't have done? And now you, Teo, made a bit of a living off of a three year old too, only she wasn't even your daughter, so you weren't entitled to decide anything about her future (memories) at all! You have no way of explaining to her "why Daddy was saying those things" (although, let's be fair, no Daddy would ever say those particular things about their own daughter, let alone someone of Louis CK's caliber)

Play those CK tapes again and look at the man's eyes, watch carefully his face as he says those HARMLESS-in-their-essence things about his kid. They totally contradict his nasty words. He can barely suppress a loving smile all the time. Or, don't look, OK. Just write down his words and read them carefully. Try then translating them into non-violent parlance. What is the message there? Then read your stupid lines regarding CS. Do their "non-violent" translation. Hell, your words weren't even brutal, see? You were kinda... nice, weren't you now? No "shameless" words there, but boy, did your MESSAGE suck! Someone mentioned pedophilia, and well, I can't blame that someone too much, ya know? You slipped that low, you moron!

Analyze closely everything CK says and you will see what "pitch perfect" means, in both words and delivery!

You have such a long way to go I'm beginning to doubt it is even worth trying, man! You don't deserve to "stand up" in the near future, you should say all your numbers on your knees. Take that from someone who nominated your friggin' blog for an award!

Moreover, Teo, you freak, you didn't even have the excuse of using that (pesky) money for the "misused" kid's future or something -- you were just throwing mud in the face of a child, while pretending to aim at her parents! What did you think, that she'll stay a three year old forever? That Google will go away, and your insanity will be buried before she ever finds out what an ugly world she lives in? What she was abjectly subjected to, just because you needed to make fun of someone and to emulate CK, and, heck, since you didn't have your own kids to use, why not pick on somebody else's!

You were a totally irresponsible, insensitive dick!

And by the way, were you able to even buy yourself a box of... chocolates for the money you got attaching filth forever to that little girl's name?

"It's a Friggin' Miracle!!!"

There ya go, Dragos, I'm back, are you happy now? Send people my way, I'll show them a good time. Only it won't be about you anymore, I'm easily bored. Plus, you were a fun target while there was noone aiming at you, as I said. Now that your star is hopefully descending and everyone is taking shots at you, I'm naturally put off. Plus, this recent overkill makes it easy for me to ignore you, just like I do Iri, Becali, Teo now...

OK, to be perfectly honest, I have stopped following Romanian media altogether and I only make rounds on a few select blogs. And you know what else? From now on, if someone links to your blog, I just won't even bother reading their lines. I've said it before and I regret bitterly having made an exception in Teo's case: you are the perfect test. You polarize just right. Those who dig you can never be trusted by someone like me. Because you & those who appreciate you all seem to share some common characteristic here: under an apparent smart and trendy package, there looms an appalling and dangerous lack of education.

Otherwise, I dunno... Is Tariceanu still your Prime Minister?